Crazy Shit My Grandma Says

Now, don't get me wrong, here. I absolutely adore my grandma. But she is a little nuts.

She's not very old for a grandma, because all the women in my family seem not to understand the idea of birth control (at least, they didn't), and she is a shopaholic. She is also a star-class worrier, which means all the little things in my life that go bump or get bruised seem to be automatically a concern for her.

One of these, as I divulged to her recently, is that there is a chance my boyfriend might be sterile. This is completely irrelevant, as we are NOT considering reproducing at this time (or probably any) and honestly, I'm thinking the likelier his sterility is, the better off I am, because unlike the older generations of women in my family, I know for a fact that pregnancy is a common result of unprotected sex, and that fact scares the crap out of me.

Moving on, I mentioned this to her, and she promptly went off on a quick tangent about how that is something that I should really consider before...I suppose she meant choosing him... Because I might not want babies right now, but I don't know that I won't want babies sometime in the future.

Mind you, this was just a couple months after a very deep discussion about how I have some serious genetic deficiencies that she thought could be serious detriments to any spawn of mine, so I should probably consider not having children, because I might pass something truly awful down to them.

Interrobang

So... I'm not supposed to have kids, but I should find myself a mate who could still give them to me. I guess?

She also told me recently, when we discussed the fact that I have decided I do NOT want to reproduce and that my boyfriend doesn't either, that that is also something I should consider doing, because apparently I should have children because then I will have someone to take care of me when I'm old. I told her that was a really shitty-ass reason to have them. She said, well, but it's true.

AND, she essentially told me that I should consider my choice of life-mate carefully because if I'm too close to the person I choose and he dies, I will be devastated. I told her that was a really shitty-ass reason not to be with someone. 

Mitch Hedberg

I think of Mitch Hedberg's comedy:  "I love red wine. Somebody once asked me, doesn't red wine give you a headache? Yeah, eventually. But the first and middle parts are amazing! I'm not going to stay away from something just because the end part is bad. Do you want an apple? No, eventually it'll be a core!"




Sometimes I wonder if it's a generational thing that's causing this rift in understanding. The most confusing part, I think, is that she really likes my boyfriend, so I don't know why she keeps advising me to question these things about him.

I told her, I really prefer dogs to babies anyway. 

Baby dogs are fine.